Another Year.

Another year of life is a free chance to reflect. Honestly, it is the perfect time to reflect. As I sit here at my desk typing, while the symbolic hands of time tick away, while my chronological presence trends toward another year of life… I choose to simply reflect.

Tomorrow, I turn 23. A milestone in more than one way in my life. I have survived many things to reach this point in time. The word “survive” however, does not fully give justice to the gravity of what I have overcome to be here. So instead, I will use the word live. I have lived through many things to reach this pivotal moment in time.

I find myself thinking about all the wrongs I have done. How at times I have made the worst decisions in situations where the better option was more than present. I find myself thinking about the women I have wronged (it’s a lot of those). I find myself thinking about the love I wish to have. I find myself reminiscing on burnt bridges. I find myself seeing the flames from those bridges as beacons of what I used to be. I find myself seeing what I am for the people who need me. I find myself seeing what I could be for people who are just like me. I find myself thinking about the people who I have helped along the way. How many of them are better simply because I exist? I find myself thinking about the purpose I have in this misguided world. I find myself thinking a lot.

Pictures of me as a child always strike mixed emotions. In my eyes, I see an innocent and hopeful child. In my eyes now, I often see a glare filled with regret and optimism. I grieve for the child I see in those pictures. I grieve for the pain he would eventually endure. I grieve for what I put him through.

These are some of the thoughts I reflect on as I sit at my desk. As I edge closer and closer to yet another year of life. I have done so many things. I have garnered so many titles. Amazingly, I intuitively know and understand that my greatest works have yet to be lived by me. My purpose is still yet to be fully realized. With all this reflection and all of this noise in my head, I find gratitude to be the loudest. I am grateful for my life. I am grateful for my future.

I am getting older. I am getting better.

To Posterity.